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Writing + Photography

Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate. 

Gravity

Not all days are equal. Gravity feels heavier on certain days. Pressing down on my chest from the moment I wake, making every aspect of my day more difficult. I've noticed this seems to happen a lot more in Nov + Dec. I don't think it's a coincidence. I also don't think I am alone in this. My gut tells me a lot of people experience this, but choose to keep it to themselves. 

The changing of the seasons can have a deep impact on all earth-beings. Some more than others. This year I noticed it almost immediately aligned with Nov 01. I think a lot of the work I've been doing to find my voice and stripe away my masks, have made me more sensitive to energy flow. Said differently, my measuring devices are a lot more precise these days. 

I have ignored this shift in energy for years. It has impacted me deeply, but I chose to go through it in silence and isolation. Chose to suffer alone. This was because I had believed this energy shift to stem from a deficiency in me, so it quickly got tangled into my ego and was heavily associated with feelings of guilt and shame. 

I have no answers or a clear path around this. I know these heavier days can be very challenging, but I also know The Universe has a plan. So I take comfort in Her infinite brilliance and benevolence. I take a deep breath and surrender to Her will. The one thing I do know is isolation won't make things better. Speaking up and speaking out allows the energy blockage to break up and dissipate. Maybe not immediately, but definitely much quicker than holding it all in and pretending everything is 'just fine'. That approach has failed for the past 5 years. Time for something different.

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