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Writing + Photography

Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate. 

I Think God Dumped Me

To say the last 6 months of my life have been the most transformative, would be massive understatement. The best way to describe it would be a spiritual awakening, which for whatever reason led to a 10 X output of creative work.

It was freaking awesome. It was also terrifying because I shared many personal details of my life and let the world see my heart.

That same heart seemed to have a direct connection to the Universe (aka God). This allowed writing, photos, videos and conversations to flow out of me at an unprecedented pace.

But here’s the thing, exactly 13 days ago that connection was severed.

Imagine you had God’s direct line and she was DMing you epic amounts of ideas/content/insights and then all of a sudden, God ghosts you. No more DMs. No more replies. No more magic!

What happened? Was it me? What did I do OR not do? Was I sending too many text? Was I too needy? Did God find someone else she’d rather DM?

This made me feel many things. Sad, confused, lost and very insecure, to name a few. 

For 13 days I’ve been walking around magic-less. :( This threw me off my schedule big time. No 4 AM wake ups, no meditation, no yoga, no writing and no sharing. This of course led to even less inspiration.

This really sucked.

But then, last night it happened. I got my first DM from God in 13 days.

I was at my first ever ecstatic dance event (will explain later) and just before 100+ strangers were about to spend 2 hours dancing in total silence (as in, no talking) the DJ got us to do a really fun exercise. He asked us to stand in a big circle and to imagine we are at the edge of giant cliff, our toes 2 inches from the end. He asked us to set our intention for the night, while standing at the edge of this cliff. I took a big breath, closed my eyes and was transported to that cliff. I asked my heart “So…what do ya wanna do?”

Then, all of a sudden I felt the ding in my heart. It was a DM from God!!

It read:

“Sometimes we float. Sometimes we fly and other times we deep dive. Seasons change, you need to adjust, but that does NOT mean you stop doing the work. Energy comes and goes, but the work keeps.”

It was everything I needed.

 Photo by  Karol Goldstein  on  Unsplash