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Writing + Photography

Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate. 

Posts tagged Soulwork
Darkness, Early This Morning

I woke up this morning and could feel a lingering darkness. It had a sting, like a bad bruise on the bottom of my foot. Every step, there it was. Quiet and persistent.

Like a bad taste in my mouth, it tainted all aspects of my morning. 

Two paths emerged before me.

Path 1 - Shake it off and get positive

Path 2 - Get curious and go deeper 

I pulled up my 2018 intentions and instantly knew which path was mine. (side note: I decided to review my intention every morning from now on. Not sure how this wasn't obvious before, but how else are you going to stay focussed for 365 days!?)

Time to go deeper: Awareness

What did I find? The feeling most resembled scarcity and competition mindset. Specifically, there were 2 people on my Facebook newsfeed that kept coming to mind. The sentiment was not a positive. My mind didn't want me to explore the topic. It kept deflecting and denying the feeling. I believe this was because acknowledging the feeling meant admitting there was pain, which made me vulnerable. BOOM! There it was. Two words my soul had recently agreed to seek out. Vulnerability and Pain, were to be my compass, as I journeyed into my soul.

Immediately there was a sense of relief, as I knew there was an opportunity for healing. 

Keep going deeper: Honesty

These 2 people on my feed are actually friends I deeply respect. They are both very talented and highly creative. I respect both, but also don't seek to spend time with either in real life. When I am around them, I feel like a smaller version of myself. My ego plays bigger, but I feel smaller. Interesting. 

They trigger feelings of insecurity every time I see them on my feed. I know this isn't about them. I know they are good people, but more importantly I know I am a good person too.

What they do or don't do, takes nothing away from me. Competition is a fucking illusion. Me vs Them isn't a real thing. My heart soars as I acknowledge this. It jumps to its feet and gives me a standing ovation. My mind on the other hand scoffs and mocks how naive I can be. I'm okay with this. I'm getting better at not wasting energy fighting, chasing or judging feelings. 

Both my heart and my mind are valid and can co-exist. It's up to me (the soul) to decide which serves me more, or if there is a third option to explore. 

At the core, I know it is a false sense of ownership that triggers these feelings of scarcity.

Then, without warning a voice whispered: 

Silly boy these ideas are not yours
These words, not yours
These conversations, not yours
These photos, NOT YOURS

You are but a vessel

Make space and God will continue flowing through you
But if you fill up with knowledge and facts, 
God will flow elsewhere
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How Dare You "Play Small"

I used to really struggle with speaking from my heart. I used to bury my truth and my light from the world, worried I might burden people. Feeling embarrassed if I took up too much attention or space. 

Don't get me wrong, there is great value in humility and making space for others, but that is not what this was. Playing small is not humility. Quite the contrary. Playing small is an act of selfishness.  

At the crux of playing small is a limiting belief that states:

"if I get (or act) too big I won't be loved."

What I've actually experienced in my life is that when I speak from my heart and let my light shine through, I end up giving others permission to do the same. Playing big activates the light in others and allows you to bond and connect with people at a much deeper level. This actually creates more opportunities for love in your life. 

Standing boldly in your power and letting your light shine through, is a very important gift we can give our community and the world. It inspires others to do the same - to seek out their own truth and to follow their hearts. This is a great responsibility and privilege we each hold. 

Joseph Campbell said it best "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."

The game changer for me was the realization that the light that longs to shine through me, is actually not mine at all. It belongs to God.

When we deny that light from shining through us, we are denying God. 

Personally, I'm done playing small. It does not serve me, my community or The Universe. 

Shine bright my friend, before it's too late. 

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Pain Will Set You Free - NSFW

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not.

Michael Singer said it best “Pain is the cost of freedom.”

At some point in every human’s life, there will be Trauma (another word for pain). These darker moments in our lives bring up feelings that can be very heavy and often overwhelming.

A common approach to heavier feelings is to suppress them. This is the cause of all emotional suffering. In an attempt to “feel better” we often ignore or deny these feelings. Short-term, this can help us actually feel better. Long-term, this denial is the single most detrimental action we partake in — both emotionally, and spiritually. 

At the moment of trauma, if we decide to deny our feelings and close-up, we unintentionally trap that darker energy inside of us. This ball of densely trapped energy inevitably becomes a blockage in our heart.

The irony is that, in an attempt to move away from those unwanted feelings, we actually end-up bringing them infinity closer.

This approach traps those dreaded feelings inside us, like a roommate we loath, but for some reason decided to sign a 20-year lease with. That which we are trying to leave behind, ends-up owning real estate inside our most precious possession — our hearts.

Healing happens when we realize darkness is not evil or a bottomless pit. Darkness is merely the blockage of light. These blockages are living within each of us and are preventing the magnificent beauty of our light from shining onto the world.

Stepping into the pain can be scary. It feels darker because with every step we are getting closer to the blockage. It can feel isolating because with every step we are moving away from the surface and its many distractions.

But remember, with every step we are ALSO moving closer to the light, moving closer to the Infinite and closer to freedom.

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(click to enlarge photos below)