Darius Bashar
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Toronto Portrait Photographer || HEARTshots || Black + White Photography

Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate. 

Fun With Nooshin

It’s always a special treat for me to be able to photograph someone on multiple occations and over the course of a few years. 

It’s so speical to be able to see them grow and develop. But also to feel my connection and bond with them deepen. 

With my dear friend Nooshin I was extra lucky because I got to do 3 shoots in just over a year. Two with her amazing, brilliant and hilarious son and one shoot, just the two of us. 

We laughed so hard throughout the shoot. 

And played like two kids when their parents are away on vacation. 

At times I felt like I was photographing a feirce painter and activist. At other times I could swear we were taking photos for her new Rock and Roll album. 

Nooshin, I am so grateful for this afternoon together and for your trust and also your PLAY. 

Rock on my Sista! 

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Cheeky Monkey

It amazes me that Lilian Motta and I have have only known each other for 3 years. It feels more like 3 lifetimes.

In those 3 years we have done 3 photoshoots together. Each shoot surprisingly hilarious, but also absolutely stunning.

If people actually knew how ridiculous and goofy Lilian gets during a photoshoot they’d be on the floor laughing.

Yes, the final photos often look beautiful, deep and maybe even spiritual, but 90% of the time lilian is making me laugh with her monkey moves and goofball antics.

She is a “forever a kid’, which is probably why her and I get along so well.

Lil, you are one of my dearest, most cherished homies and I love through and through.

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Creation is NOT... 
Creation is not marketing. 
Creation is not nurturing. 
Creation is not defending. 
Creation is not gratitude. 

All I want to do is create cool shit with cool humans.
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Happy Birthday Hima 
Waiting for the right words.
Waiting for the right time.
Waiting for the perfect moment.

Wanting to do these magical humans justice.
Wanting the world to fully understand their beauty and power.
Wanting to be fully understood myself.

Maybe my job isn't to wait and want.
Maybe I am here instead to create and release.
Maybe it's impossible to be truly understood.

Maybe those are the most freeing words I have ever spoken.

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Thank you Hima for your anger. For your rage. For you splendour and for your play.

I love you homie.
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I Convinced An Editor To Help Me… And Then Ran Out Of Things To Write
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It’s different to have someone waiting for your writing. It feels distracting. It feels like an outside exercise, as opposed to an inner journey. I have a lot of resistance to the process. Currently.

I am okay with that. I know growth often feels uncomfortable. I also know that — despite the resistance — my human is highly adaptable and resourceful. He just needs a minute… and I have all the time for my human.

I realized today during my morning meditation that there is a totally different relationship I could develop with my human. I realized today that maybe my human is my soulmate.

The last 2 weeks I added a new element to my morning ritual. At 2 instances during my morning meditation/yoga flow, I take a minute to express to my mind and then my body, the gratitude and affection I hold for both of them. This is going to sound weird, but this affection is:

  • 1 part what I would normally tell my partner Sarah, when I want to express my love and gratitude for her, and…
  • 1 part what I imagine telling my future kids.

I express how much each (my mind and my body) means to me. I find honest and meaningful things to say to both. I try to be very specific and speak straight from my heart. And I check in to see if they are able to receive my love and gratitude. If they are not receiving it, I then try and adjust my language and approach.

The goal is to let them know I love them, I support them and that I wouldn’t want to be going through this life with anyone else.

All this to say, my human (aka my mind and body) is having a bit of tough go with this collaborative writing/editing flow. The good news is that it’s only week one since I started working with an editor.

I am going to give my mind and body some space and time to adjust. I’m going to listen to any suggestions they might have to optimize the process. I’m also going to stay open and honest with my editor, Sal. She’s great and I have a feeling she’ll understand the unique relationship I have with my human.

But also…

I am going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep doing the work. At first, my writing might not be to the standards of the past few months, but I’m going tokeep going. All of me. Mind, Body and Soul, together like one big cosmic family.

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