Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate.
“This is your world. If there is something you need, ask for it.
If there is something you want to give, give it.
If there is something you want to risk, risk it.
Practice seeing what it’s really like to do what you need—and what you want—to do in this world.
Whatever comes up, we will deal with it.”
- Ann Bradney, Founder of the Radical Aliveness Institute
Almost exactly two years ago, I was on one of my early morning SunChaser shoots that started at about 5:30AM. I was on my way to meet Jenn, who as many of you know is now my partner, but these photos took place way before any of that, when we were just friends.
I’ll NEVER forget the drive over to pick Jenn up. During that 20 min drive, I would have one of the most intense and important inner conversations of my life. It started out of nowhere, when a critical voice in my head started whispering, building up to a yell.
The message was crystal clear:
> Today is the day the world finds out you are a imposter.
> Your luck has finally run out, Darius.
> You’ve got nothing left.
> All of the flukey shit that got you to this point, it’s tapped out.
> You are a phoney and the whole world is about to find out.
This voice spoke from a place of absolutely certainty as if it was trying to warm me.
I remember gripping the steering wheel as hard as I could in absolute shock.
The voice told me to pull the car over, text Jenn and make up an excuse for why the shoot was canceled. And believe it or not, I wanted to do what the voice was telling me.
But I kept driving, not because I was brave, but because I was in shock, trying to process what was happening.
Then suddenly, before I knew it, Jenn popped into the car. She probably didn’t notice how pale and scared I looked because it was so bloody early, and I was too embarrassed to tell her how terrified I was.
We drove to Kensington Market together. On the inside, I was imploding. On the outside, I did everything I possibly could not to vomit.
When we found our first location and I pulled my camera out, I believed deep down that this would be my last shoot ever, the end of my photography career. It might sound silly to you, but that voice from earlier sounded so certain that there was no doubt in my mind it was telling the truth. And then when the shoot was over, I rushed home and loaded the photos into my computer, mostly because I wanted to know how badly I fucked up.
Spoiler alert… That was not the end of my photography career. The photos (see below) actually turned out amazing.
I didn’t understand.
“How could this be? That voice was absolutely certain!”
I decided my next steps were to find that voice again and talk to him.
And while a part of me wanted to rip into him and tell him off for being a liar, I did something totally different. I reached out to that voice with love and compassion:
“I know why you did this. You weren’t trying to hurt me, you were actually trying to protect me. And I deeply appreciate that. But also that was NOT HELPFUL and will NOT be acceptable in the future. EVER!”
I realized in that moment that this voice was not my intuition. This voice wasn’t a fortune teller, it wasn’t God trying to warm me of impending doom. Because the truth was, despite this voice’s conviction and unflinching confidence, he was wrong. 100% wrong.
I knew this was a principle realization in my life and my career. And there were 2 things I needed to take with me from this experience, in case the voice ever returned (which of course it would).
Here’s what I needed to know:
The voice of inner criticism can be wrong.
The voice of inner criticism is coming from a place of love, not hate. It may not feel like it, but it’s just trying to protect me.
Instead of treating this voice in my head like an enemy and exiling him the way he tried to exile me, I decided to make him an ally and integrate him into the rest of my life.
I thanked that voice, for everything he’s done for me and my work. For always pushing my standards to the next level. I shared my appreciation to him for always demanding the most out of me. Always.
That voice is a key part of my growth, as long as I remember that he is just one of MANY voices that work together to create ME. And like any great team, we work best in an environment of respect, patience and collaboration.
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Reason #1: You like saving money.
My September promo offers over $500 of savings, and my prices are going up on October 1st.
Reason #2: You like making money.
Book your HEARTshots if you’re READY to level up your business. It might sound silly, but not everyone is interested in growing their business. Some people are more focused on stability and maintenance. But if your business is ready for growth, this is for you.
Reason #3: Your current photo isn’t YOU.
It might be a professional headshot, but you and your clients feel like it doesn’t accurately represent your brilliance, your heart, or your magic.
Reason #4: You are serious about having a bigger IMPACT on the world.
When your photo captures the REAL YOU, it opens doors and opportunities for you to make a greater impact in your field. If this isn’t something you care about, then I am probably not the photographer for you.
Reason #5: You are a coach, speaker, author, or healer.
You are the people I know how to help most. These photos aren’t about trying to impress your Facebook friends; they’re about helping you ground and focus your strategy when it comes to your image and your authentic self-expression.
Don’t need to read more? Book today at: www.dariusbashar.com/heart-shots
Until the end of this month I have an amazing promo which includes over $500 of savings. All you need to do is book a free call to chat. I have 10 spots left for calls in the next 5 days.
IMPORTANT NOTE: You do NOT need to do the actual photoshoot before October 1st.
Interested? Here are your next steps:
Step 1: Have a quick look at this page (www.dariusbashar.com/heart-shots). It has all the details on my most popular package, including pricing.
Step 2: Book a time that works for you for a (free) 15–20 min chat (which you can do directly at www.heydarius.com). It takes about 60 seconds to book the call. I’ll walk you through my entire process during this call and answer any remaining questions you might have.
Step 3: If you are still excited at this point, then we can find a date for the shoot. Then we make MAGIC!
Lastly, for anyone that has just started to follow me on social media and would appreciate to hear what other coaches, speakers, authors and healers have to say about my work, I have a really helpful video testimonial page here: www.dariusbashar.com/testimonials
Talk soon :)
“I am so nervous!”
This is actually the number one thing I hear when people call or email me to book a HEARTshots session.
Believe it or not, I LOVE hearing this. Seriously.
When I find out my client is nervous before a photography session, it gives me so much confidence and comfort. It’s not because I’m a cruel person who likes when people feel uncomfortable; it’s because YOUR NERVOUSNESS tells me 3 very important things about you:
1) Your nervousness tells me that you’re willing to be real and honest with me.
2) Your nervousness tells me that you are brave. Because it takes courage to tell someone you just met that you are having an emotional experience.
3) It tells me your emotions are activated, which is a wonderful thing because it means your heart is waking up.
Today’s Tip Tuesday video dives into why I think it’s important for you to embrace your nervous feelings, why your nervousness is actually a part of your authentic self-expression.
Uploaded by Darius Bashar on 2019-09-24.
Chidiogo is not only brilliant, beautiful, and brave; she is also an amazing writer.
When I read her Instagram post yesterday it really struck a chord with me. I’m sharing her heartfelt words below.
They deeply resonate, especially on a day like today when I can’t seem to access my joy. Instead of feeling guilty or broken, thanks to Chidi’s words, I am going to be gentle and patient with myself and embrace these darker colours too.
The following words are written by Chidiogo Akunylii…
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -
What does it mean to embrace all your colors?
Perhaps what comes to your mind is all the ways you get to trust that you are beautiful, that you are smart, that you are capable, that you ROAR! Amen to that!
However, in owning into my strengths, I continue to realise all the ways I hadn’t fully learned to celebrate the darker hues of my shades. The anger, the pain, the moments when I crumble into a ball and cry — those moments when I want to snap my fingers and the rainbows reappear. Let there be light.
But after years of ‘snapping out of it’, and celebration lighter days, I am leaning more and more into exploring the joys of darker clouds, knowing that they bring rain — tears that nourish seeds that are wanting to sprout.
Too poetic? Let me break it down.
For our branches to grow tall, bold and beautiful, our roots have to dig even deeper into the dark soil from where, if we can truly trust, it can draw so much strength. A wise friend taught me this.
I am learning to snap out of the story that I should feel any one way, and into a more colorful one of celebrating it all, and trusting that with loving non-judgmental awareness, I can stop being afraid of my shadows and step into all my colours.
To ROAR is to be fully in your power. All of you is welcome. All of us are needed.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -
Thank you Chidiogo for saying yes to this shoot. For sharing your heart, your light, and your darkness with all of us.
Photos by Darius Bashar
Hair and Makeup by Kelly Davidson
Modelled by Chidiogo Akunyili
WANNA WORK TOGETHER?
For anyone who feels called to working together, now is the time to do so. Follow the link below for all the details on my amazing promo this month while it’s still up. --> www.dariusbashar.com/heart-shots
PS: Payment plans also available. My prices go up Oct 01!!
This summer for the first time ever, people started FLYING IN to my studio to have their HEARTshots taken. I worked with epic humans who flew in from from New York, New Jersey, Winnipeg, the United Kingdom, and more…
Oh—but I’ll never forget Atlanta!
Because from that city I had the pleasure of meeting the brilliant, beautiful, and absolutely hilarious Heidi Ziegele. It is such a gift to be in the presence of people like Heidi; people who feel really ALIVE!
Heidi is a lifestyle designer and coach. Heidi is also a partner at Atlanta Kick — a martial arts and fitness studio. She works with people who are stuck in a rut or going through transition in their lives, and helps them shake things up and focus on what is really important.
Thanks for making the trip out to Toronto, Heidi. I can’t wait to hang again soon, maybe next time I’m in your neck of the woods? :)
What is the BEST advice you've ever received about coaching?
Finding great clients only requires conversations. Have lots of conversations!
When do you feel most alive?
When I get to SEE other humans deeply. I love to explore and learn about other people's inner experiences. This is the stuff of life!
What's 1 training program that you highly recommend to coaches looking to level up?
The CTI Leadership Program will blow your mind, shake you up, and forever change the way you understand what leadership means. Everyone is a leader.
Name one book that changed your life:
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I experienced an awakening reading that book.
Name one thing that you are super excited about:
My choice to put myself FIRST. It has impacted my work world tremendously. Since choosing to invest in myself with CTI training, my world shifted. My first business Atlanta Kick (a martial arts and fitness studio) has transformed from a place where I "work" into a joyful playground where I get to learn, lead, and grow. Plus, I have built my coaching practice to fulfill my desire to work towards mastery in a different discipline and build powerful connections with other humans. My choices and accomplishments make me feel like a badass! At the same time, I'm deeply grateful that I have been born into such fortunate life circumstances.
HOW TO CONNECT WITH HEIDI
Website: www.heidi.coach
Instagram: @heidizcoach
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/heidiziegele
In under 2 years, I grew my passion for photography into a multiple six-figure business. Lots of people don’t realize I’ve only been a full-time photographer since January last year.
So how did I stand out in the market?
Here’s what I noticed:
Many photographers in the city appear super cool and mysterious, especially when it comes to their video content.
In fact, photography (like so many other creative fields) often has this mysterious, “cool kid” approach.
And it got me thinking…
What if I did the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what the industry expected of me?
I knew deep down that this could be my opportunity to build my brand: by doing something TOTALLY DIFFERENT than most other photographers in the city. Instead of trying to be something I’m not (mysterious + super cool), I decided to use free video platforms like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube to share my REAL and goofy self with the world.
So… seeing how it’s #TipTuesday, here are 5 video-making tips I’ve gathered over the last 2 years that help me generate real PAID clients.
Uploaded by Darius Bashar on 2019-09-17.
When I photographed Masai Ujiri last year for TEDxToronto, I had no idea that the Raptors were going to become world champions.
Masai is the President of the Raptors, he is insanely busy, and he probably gets his photo taken weekly if not more. Knowing this, I had to adjust my process.
And when Masai first arrived it was clear that our window to “get the shot” would be short.
He was friendly and attentive, but I could also feel that he was not so thrilled to interrupt his day and take a break for photography.
Things started off stiff and slow, which is almost always the case with every photo session. But the difference was that I did not have warm-up “get to know you” time like I do in most of my portrait sessions. We essentially started the shoot in the 4th quarter with 2 mins left on the clock. Crunch time!
I took a deep breath. Grounded myself. And let my heart lead.
This is when I had two game-changing instincts…
I asked him to pick the music. Suddenly the room was flooded with vibrant tunes from his home country Nigeria.
I looked around the room and found a basketball. I picked it up and tossed it over to him.
The moment the basketball hit his hands I could see his energy shift. His face lit up and I could see his inner-child come out. So much joy. So grounded. Masai was instantly transported to his happy place.
I could also feel our trust and connection grow.
He originally had a 10 minute “hard stop”—but he ended up staying for almost an hour. And what an incredible human being to photograph.
So grateful to Jeff Lohnes, Afshin Mousvian and the homies at TEDxToronto for this amazing opportunity. And of course, a special shoutout to Masai Ujiri.
Hello beautiful humans.
I have an amazing promo on my HEARTshots package. The promo end in 18 days, just over 2 weeks. I’m offering more than $500 of savings and an experience like no other.
If you are on the fence, trying to figure out whether you should jump, this message is a loving nudge. It’s time to take your digital presence seriously, and attract ideal clients with professional portraits that show your audience the real you.
If you work in an industry focused around PEOPLE and you are ready to LEVEL-UP your professionalism, then this message is FOR YOU.
Have a look at the following page. → www.dariusbashar.com/heart-shots
You will find my HEARTshots gallery and everything you need to know. There’s lots of detail, including how much HEARTshots cost, the current promo pricing, what’s included, what to expect, and quotes from previous clients.
Spots at the special promo rate are limited. I am over 50% sold out for 2019. Payment plans also available.
Let’s make something magical together.
“In 18 Days, HEARTshots Prices Will Be Going Up.
If you want to save over $500 this post is for you.”
I’ve never shared this story with anyone.
Because I was too embarrassed to admit my truth. So I ignored it and looked away.
And looking away was surprisingly easy.
Our society is set up for us to continually look away and ignore our deepest inner truths.
But these inner truths often require courageous conversations; with ourselves and with others, in order to be set free.
These courageous conversations are not easy. They are also very uncomfortable. We essentially poke at our own emotional wounds and that shit hurts.
There is an upside though. In fact, it’s a really powerful one, especially if you believe life should be full of PURPOSE and IMPACT.
Have a look at this video and let me know if there is a courageous conversation you are ready to have. The world is ready for your truth.
I have never shared this story before. #acnesacrs #selflovecoach #HEARTshots
