This morning I got to my computer and couldn’t find any words to share.

I couldn’t write.

I love what I do and I adore all the amazing people I work with. But even though there is so much beauty in my life, some days a part of me feels heavy and resistant. So this morning I daydreamed about deleting all my social media accounts and moving somewhere hot with plenty of beaches and mangos. 

Doubt and uncertainty show up often in my life, and I am pretty sure they will travel with me till the end of my journey. Feelings of doubt are true for so many of us, but I think they are especially present for artists, entrepreneurs, and creators—people who take risks.

This morning when I didn’t want to write, I reminded myself that it’s okay to feel and experience these feelings as they come.

Feelings of doubt and uncertainty are not the enemy.

But I need to remember that these feelings are also not the Truth. 

And on the days when I want to stop everything, it’s important to keep showing up. To keep expressing and to keep the train moving.

(Even if that means on certain days the train will be moving way slower.)

Because a slow-moving train will still get you where you want to go.

Anyone else feeling extra resistance these past few days? It can’t just be me. What’s your plan to keep the train moving?

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Hello beautiful humans! Today I’m starting a 30-day experiment around Self Love.

The idea is to express, explore and create without first going through a filter of “What will other people think?” or “How will this impact my business?”

Here’s how it works: 

• Step 1: Open a new (free) Instagram account. 

• Step 2: Make sure it is private. All posts are for your eyes only. 

• Step 3: Take 1 photo of yourself every single day for 30 days. 

• Step 4: In the description of each photo, share words of kindness, support and love for your human.

• Step 5: Do NOT share these posts with anyone else. No hashtags, no account tags.

This is not a marketing or business exercise; these are love letters to your human. It is important to keep the account private so that you feel safe enough to go as deep as you can.

Bonus points if you can get creative with the photos and your words.

You don’t need to take the exact same photo every day. If you feel brave enough, you may discover different parts of your body that maybe never get to be seen on camera. See if you can love those parts too. 

Everyone has their own limits, their own comfort zone. You don’t need to compare or judge where your personal edge is; just go as far as you can and feel what’s there for you. 

• Maybe there are some apologies that need to be shared between you and your human. 

• Maybe there is something you have always wanted to say to yourself.  

• Maybe your human has a message for you. 

• It doesn’t need to be all serious. You can laugh and play and dance too. 

When the 30 days are done, if you want you can delete the entire account—or not.

But the point is that NO ONE ELSE will ever see these posts. They are intimate love notes from you to your human.

Anyone else want to play, explore and create for 30 days? Direct message me or leave a comment below if you are interested.

Are you wise? Are you a deep thinker? Are you committed to impacting people’s lives?

If so, today’s #TipTuesday challenge is for you…

—> Create and share one piece of content on social media this week that makes your audience laugh. 

Here’s what happens when you make people laugh: 

1. You help them feel more comfortable and safe to be themselves. If they have walls up, your playfulness can gently help them take down those barriers. 

2. It makes your content more dynamic. Even deep and intense content can become one-dimensional if it’s all your audience sees.

3. It creates a deeper connection. People feel like they know you better (which makes the idea of working with you seem more enjoyable). 

Over the last few weeks I’ve noticed far less light-hearted, fun and funny content—from myself included.

In fact, when left to my own devices I almost always want to write something deep and serious. But I am also a very goofy human. And this fun side of me is actually a huge part of the deep work I do in real life.

In my photography practice of taking soulful photos of people’s hearts, sometimes the best way through protective walls isn't by sharing my deepest theories and philosophies on life… but instead cracking a joke and laughing together like 10-year-old kids.

Showing your more lighthearted and fun side is not just about getting laughs from people—but about getting closer to peoples hearts. And doing that through your online presence gives you more opportunities to share your magic with the world. 

So, will you join me in this challenge?

Will you create one piece of content this week that will get your audience to smile, laugh or giggle? 

If you do, send me a link to the post. I need a good laugh too! 

We have met many times before. 

We have danced many lives. 

You are the medicine for my many wounds. 

We are here together again because our souls still have many things to do. 

Thanks for being the Valentine to my many selves. 

I adore you. I cherish you. I love you.

-----

PS: The video below is Jenn and I trying to reenact the famous scene from Dirty Dancing. How did we do? 😉

2 days ago I was swimming in the ocean and got caught in a rip current. 

Rip currents are the cause of 80% of drowning in Costa Rica. 

There was no warning. One moment I was right next to Jenn’s dad, then suddenly I was about 75 feet away from him, being pulled fast into the Ocean. 

At first I didn’t understand what was happening. I started to swim towards the shore. But every few seconds when I popped my head up to see if I was getting closer, I was even further away. 

I’ve been warned about rip currents, so eventually I understood what was happening. I even knew the technique to survive a rip current. 

You’re not supposed to fight the current. You stay calm and float, letting the current pull you out into the sea. Then when the current is done (usually about 80-100 feet) you swim parallel to the ocean (about 20–50 feet, sometimes longer) and then you swim to shore diagonally. 

I understood this in theory. But when I suddenly found myself inside a rip current, all that theory went out the window. 

In the moment, I panicked. I swam with all my might directly towards shore. My heart rate rocketed as I used my entire physical strength to swim to safety. Yet the harder I tried, the more exhausted I became, and the further away I was towed. I was flooded with anxiety and caught in a negative feedback loop.

In order to get out of the chaos I needed to surrender, and fully let go of control. But I was scared to stop fighting the immense power of the Ocean.

It reminded me of my years of experience working through panic and anxiety in my work and personal life. I knew I needed to calm down my body and mind, or they would turn into my worst enemies. 

So I started to breathe deeply. I stopped wasting energy fighting against the chaos. I negotiated with the part of my mind that was convinced I was going to die.

And when I finally surrendered control to the Ocean, within seconds I was in calmer waters. 

I walked away with a deep gratitude for the many experiences I have had with anxiety in my life. All those “shitty” overwhelming moments honestly saved my life.

Amazing how life works sometimes. 

Today, I am getting back on the horse and going surfing for the first time. 

Wish me luck. 

Have you ever made a post on social media that didn’t get as much engagement as you thought it would?

Personally, when one of my photos or write-ups doesn’t receive the attention I hoped, it can knock the wind out of me.

I know that a master craftsperson continually pushes their edges and their capacity to express and impact. But for the first time I am realizing how self-centred my approach has been.

Because when I don’t get the reactions or comments I hoped, I start to question myself.

And the truth is, my questions and doubts are rarely about the work. 

The doubts are often me questioning my core. 

• Can I even do this? 

• Am I fooling myself? 

• Am I even good?

(It’s funny how quickly that escalates.)

I think it’s important to be able to take your work seriously. But what if I was able to separate the idea of BEING good (and being worthy) from DOING good work?

So if I share a post or give a talk or do a photoshoot that doesn’t live up to my expectations, I never question my goodness. Instead I look at that specific activity as it’s own thing.

—> “That post isn’t good.”

VS

—> “I am no good.”

I am learning that good work isn’t about proving I AM GOOD over and over again. That feels exhausting and unsustainable.

And it doesn’t make sense for me to attach my worthiness to external validation (which I can’t control).

What would happen to my energy levels and ability to impact others if I gave myself the validation instead?

If I told myself I AM GOOD and then I moved on?

What would happen if every time I expressed myself I let go of “How can I be good?” and instead focussed on “How can I be of service?”

Then no matter how well a post does, I don’t question my core. I don’t run away and hide. I don’t need a hiatus from social media to lick my wounds.

Instead, I look at that single post and ask, “Could I refine the message to make it better next time?”

If not, then let’s move on.

For years I avoided looking at my own face.

I know how impossible this may seem. But I was able to hide from myself for years.

I even had a strategy…

In order to look in the mirror, there were very specific conditions that had to be met:

• The lighting had to be dim so I couldn’t see my acne scars

• I usually had a hoodie or hat on my head  to avoid seeing my receding hairline

• It had to be after a shower  so my skin wasn’t oily

As you can probably imagine, in order to see my face in photos the conditions were even more strict.

Running away from my face was sort of like running away from a monster in a nightmare.

Every once in a while, I’d look back to see how close the monster was, only to have the shit scared out of me. Never really stopping to see what I was running away from. 

Then one day, I stopped running.

I was exhausted from pretending I wasn't afraid of my own reflection.

Tired of hiding and playing small.

Tired of having conditions for being me.

I stood in front of my mirror at home, took off all my clothes, and turned on all the lights. I decided to open my eyes — not for a few seconds, but for 10 mins! 

It had been over a decade since I actually looked at my human and at first all I could only see “the monster” I’d been running from. It was an intense experience, as every inch of my face was met with hatred and loathing. The voice inside my head became vicious and critical.

The longer you’ve been running away from the monster, the more scary it may feel to stop and look it in the eyes. 

But… the terror only lasted for a few minutes. 

If you are brave enough to keep your eyes open, something amazing might just happen. 

You might discover, like I did, that this is not a monster staring back at you, but a beautiful and powerful human. 

And also that this human standing in front of you might just be your soulmate.

Do you have conditions for seeing yourself in photographs (or even the mirror)?

When was the last time you really looked at your human? 

Many people I love and respect have strong reactions to the concept of privilege. 

It makes some of my friends feel guilty, for the privileges they have.

It makes some of my friends feel angry, for the privileges they don’t have.

To the point that “privilege” itself is treated like a bad word.

But I don’t think it is.

At its core, privilege is a type of power. When we unconsciously or consciously begin to connect feelings of guilt and shame to notions of power, we do not create a healthy environment within ourselves to support and cultivate the power we have inside us. 

“That is easy for you to say Darius, you have so much privilege!”

You are absolutely right. 

• As a man I have privilege.

• As a person who lives in North America I have privilege.

• As an able-bodied person I have privilege.

• I have many other privileges.

I did nothing to earn this power. That’s how privilege works. This power is given to me and re-given to me every single day.

Yes, I could feel guilty and attempt to dim my power.

Yes, I could deny I am powerful. 

Yes, I could subscribe to a scarcity mindset, fearful of anyone else in pursuit of power. 

But I don’t like any of these options. 

Instead, what would happen if I decided to:

• Acknowledge that I have been given many head starts in life, that are not based on my own merit, which put me at an advantage over others. 

• Show and express deep gratitude for the power I have. 

• Look at my fellow humans and ask, “How could I use my privilege to create opportunities for others to grow and prosper as well?”  

For me, I want to use all the power that has been given to me to create a world where people of all body types, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations and ages can see how fucking beautiful they truly are. 

My privilege gives me the tremendous opportunity to use my time on earth to distribute my power to others and hopefully leave this place a little better when I am gone.

So… what’s YOUR relationship with privilege? 

How much do you have? 

How do you feel about it? 

What are you doing with yours? 

Men are not suppose to wear makeup. 

Men are not suppose to wear dresses. 

And men are definitely not suppose to date other men. 

Most men I know grew up accepting these statements to be true. 

So a beautiful and powerful person like my dear friend Micha Edwards might be confusing to men who are still holding on to a boxed-in definition of manhood. 

From films and pop culture, to athletes and business icons, as young men we were taught that we needed to toughen up and “grow a pair” to really make it.

We’re also taught that the opposite of being a man is being called a pussy. And that “real men” don’t hold feminine qualities and attributes. Where I grew up, if you called someone a pussy it was almost always followed by violence.

There is a rigid box that defines what makes a man, DO NOT GO OUTSIDE THAT BOX. 

You know what else is a rigid box? A prison.

And that’s what it can feel like for anyone that wants to express, explore and expand, but is instead held down and told to stay small and stay quiet. 

I’ve put in a lot of work to expanding and stepping outside of this box, because of what my heart could always feel to be true:

What we consider feminine qualities are not the enemy. Men who live outside the boxed-in definition of manhood are just as powerful and necessary.

And most importantly, love is love. 

My heart has tremendous capacity and love for incredible humans like Micha. 

I see God’s light in him when he expresses his fullness. I feel his power when he sings and dances and especially when he speaks from his heart. 

His kindness and compassion for others gives me hope. 

I love this man. 

He is my brother. He is art.

He is God… and so are you. 

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Most of my photography clients are women between the ages of 35 and 55. 

These are amazing, generous, intelligent women. There is a beautiful radiance within each of them. 

There is also a frustration that is present in all of them.  

The frustration comes from finally accepting that they are here to do something big and brave and important, but also feeling blocked from doing so. 

A pain that comes from feeling the power that lives within them, but not being able to express its fullness.

One common blockage for these amazing women is a secret unconscious belief that they are not worthy of the FULL spotlight. Maybe a little attention is okay, but not too much. 

They are afraid if they take-up too much space, they will look selfish and self-centred.

I can relate to this perspective. It’s one I have wrestled with for decades myself. 

“It’s not about me, it’s about my audience. I will focus on them. I will take photos of them. I will tell their stories. I will celebrate them.”

There is nothing wrong with this.

But there is a difference between an artist and a leader. 

It is only as I am able to understand how connected we all are, that my relationship with the spotlight started to change. 

I was able to see that God’s light that lives inside me is exactly the same as the light inside you, and that when one of us shines bright we are all lifted.

To provide support to these clients I had to lead by example. I had to show by doing. I had to be vulnerable and real. I couldn’t hide behind my camera; I had to take up more space and step into the light. 

This did not mean I stopped sharing photos and stories of others. It just meant I had to also celebrate and love myself too. 

It takes courage to step into the spotlight. But each time we do, we are giving permission to others to do the same. When they see you, they are actually looking for themselves, inside you.

Your light is my light.