Abortion is not a women’s issue. It is a human issue.

It’s too easy for us men to take a step back from this topic and let women sort it out.

In my experience…

Boys are educated at a young age that women are to be sought out and hunted, to be seduced and used. Boys and men get rewarded for “conquering” women. And if something gets in the way of their conquests—such as an unwanted pregnancy—then there is an easy way out.

For young boys and young men, the perception of abortion is relatively easy. Pay a few hundred dollars and this “problem” goes away.

The true weight of the abortion falls on the woman.

We don’t teach young boys about the physical and emotional pain women go through. We don’t teach young boys about the risks associated with abortions. Once again, boys and men can walk away and let women sort it out.

In the past, religion played a bigger role. You could convince a young man that he would be punished by God for an abortion. This was bullshit manipulation and it’s good that religion plays a smaller role. But now there is a moral vacuum where boys and men don’t feel as responsible.

This approach is highly problematic.

No, I do not believe the solution is to scare boys.

And no, I do NOT believe the solution is to remove a woman’s right to choose.

Instead I believe we need to start teaching our young boys that women are sacred.

We need to teach young boys that women’s bodies should be honoured.

And that they have tremendous wisdom and power.

And that we need to treat them with respect.

A world where women are not seen as conquests but rather sacred, wise and powerful beings would not only show us a drop in unwanted pregnancies, but would also be a significantly safer place for ALL humans.

We have a long way to go. The first step is opening our hearts and listening to women. They are clearly asking for support. Now is not the time to tune women out.

But more than that, we need to have conversations with one another, and with anyone else who is willing to listen.

Share this post with other men and encourage them to use their voices. This is a sensitive topic. We might make mistakes, but it’s worth it. Because abortion is not a women’s issue; it’s a human issue.

Sincerely,

D

PS: I know this post is very gendered, and has a lot of binary language (eg. women/men and boys/girls). For what it’s worth I personally believe gender is a spectrum and there needs to be space for trans and non-binary leaders in these conversations.

This is Reza. I met him at an event I was invited to speak at 3 years ago. 

The event is called Fuck Up Nights Toronto and approximately 200 people showed up to hear me and three other speakers brag about our most colossal life mistakes. 

It was a healing moment for me, as I got to share one of my biggest business mistakes publicly in a way that allowed me to finally forgive myself and let go. 

Fast forward to 3 years later: Reza and I are on a Zoom call talking about our upcoming photoshoot. 

I loved collaborating with Reza. 

There was instant creative chemistry between us and we flowed effortlessly. 

It took 3 years from the first meeting at that event for us to reconnect. 

It makes me wonder… who will I create with 3 years from now that I might have just met in passing yesterday? 

And imagine all the friends we haven’t even met yet!

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I spend a lot of time thinking about future projects, future plans, and future creations. 

I am most excited when I focus on my next creative idea. 

But when I slow down…

And give myself some space…

I notice just how much my life and the world has changed in the past 2+ years. And I can quickly feel overwhelmed. 

On paper things still seem the same:

• I am still a photographer. 

• I am still in a committed relationship with my partner Jenn. 

• I still live in Toronto. 

• I still share stories about my life on social media. 

But somehow everything feels different. 

The world has changed a lot in the past two years. 

These changes impacted all of our lives differently, and I don’t want to argue about which changes were good or bad. I just want to hold space and give us all permission to feel our overwhelm. 

The point isn’t to stay in the overwhelmed feelings forever. But if you never give yourself space to actually process the immense shifts of the past two years, then that feeling of overwhelm can stay lodged in your nervous system, like half-digested food. 

Those unprocessed feelings can start to spread through your system and begin to steal your energy. 

Our nervous systems are still recovering from all the rapid and abrupt changes in the past 2 years.

Yes, it’s scary to consciously step into overwhelm.

No, you don't need to rush into it.

You can go slowly. 

I am going to start by journalling and using my morning pages to slowly unpack what's there for me. 

And don’t forget that you also don't need to do it alone. I promise there are others in your life who are also experiencing something similar—I sure am.

PS: I know the image below says to keep running, but you are allowed to stop running and rest for a while. We have all been running for a very long time now. 

Almost everyone I know wants to be more creative. And it takes a lot of courage to do so.

Diving into the depths of your heart and finding your truth requires great bravery, and it’s easy to get stuck by becoming self-critical and super fucking judgey.

So here’s a simple way out of this trap:

Find photos of you as a child and scatter them throughout your home or workspace. You don’t need a ton; one to five photos works great.

When you see the photos, take a moment to connect with the little human in these pictures. And most importantly take a moment to remember that there is a beautiful and precious part of you that is starting something creative. This younger version of yourself needs your love, your patience and your compassion way more than they need your criticism.

This is true all of the time, but it is especially true if you are starting a new project.

Yes, you may be an adult with decades of wisdom. But if you just started a podcast, TikTok, newsletter, group coaching, etc… then there is another part of you that still feels 8 years old.

You can ask yourself (and that younger part of you) simple questions like:

1. Are you having fun?

2. What’s your favourite part so far?

3. What would you like to try next?

And most of all, make sure to leave plenty of room for PLAY and CELEBRATION.

PS: Here are some photos of younger D. If you are interested send me a few photos of your younger self too. We’ll have a party for all the kids. :)

If you believe in biological evolution, then you probably know that survival is a priority over happiness for any species. And that most definitely includes the human species.

I was reading about this recently in Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari.

We are not built to stay happy. In order for our ancestors to survive, the human body evolved the ability to intentionally flush out the chemicals that cause feelings of happiness and fulfilment.

I’m sure it was a satisfying feeling to secure a meal for the tribe. It likely created a sense of happiness for many, but this biochemical experience of happiness needed to be fleeting and temporary. Otherwise our ancestors would hunt once and never feel a need to seek out another meal. 

They needed to stay hungry and focus on what’s next. 

This fleeting sense of happiness was essential to our survival as a species. This trait would become ingrained into many generations of humans to come. 

We needed this trait to survive, but when this ancient human trait gets activated in modern times it can feel messy and exhausting. Mostly because for most of us our survival is no longer in question. 

Here’s how it can look in modern times… 

1. I really want a new camera. →

2. I work hard and secure a new camera and feel happy. →

3. My body flushes out the happy chemicals. →

4. I feel a deep longing for a better camera. →

5. Repeat.

Replace “camera” with job, house, partner, books, etc. 

Our biology is not set up for consistent happiness. 

Our biology is set up to encourage us to continually want more. 

This is not because the world is a bad place or that humans are inherently greedy. It’s because nature, evolution, the Universe, God—whatever you want to call the intelligent designer that created humans—cared about us and wanted us to survive. 

The privilege of our generation is to have awareness of these biochemical traits and to find ways to work them in to our current lives. 

That goal you want so badly? It will make you happy. But only for a very short moment. Then your body and mind will lovingly flush out the happy chemicals so that you may want something more.

So here’s a question for you to consider:

How would your life change if you knew that soon after achieving any goal, your body would let the happiness go and give you a fresh start?

The concept of fame is a byproduct of media. And media has radically changed over the course the past 200 years:

📚 In the 1800’s…

Print media (books and newspapers) made it difficult to become famous. You had to be literate which was rare at the time. You had to have access to publication companies and there were not many back in the day. And of course you had to be a great writer, which could take decades to develop. 

🎥 In the 1900’s…

Broadcast media (TV and film) changed everything. It was still quite difficult for most people to break into this format. You had to have a very specific look (usually white, thin, very traditionally good looking). And you had to have access to the key decision makers (agents, producers, directors, etc).

📱 The 2000’s…

The internet age and social media in particular radically changed the media game. Now, EVERYONE has free access to their very own TV channel. The platforms want to promote you and spread your content to the world and anyone has the chance of becoming MEGA FAMOUS. 

But in reality nothing is ever free, and here there is a cost:

In order to play the game, we must obey. 

The algorithms of these platforms have set rules or commandments that we must follow if we want to become famous and successful. 

And while I don’t think seeking fame is necessarily a bad thing, my concern is the power these algorithms hold over us. 

Over the course of a few months, I’ve seen business leaders, artists, and entire industries shift their content strategies and started pointing their fingers and dancing in videos. All because the algorithm rewarded those who did.

I did the same. I shifted my creative strategy. In the past 5 months, I have grown my TikTok by over 140,000 followers because I was an obedient creator. 

And still, something about this dynamic really fucking bothers me. I can feel the ever-present influence of the algorithm now seeping into in my creative process all the time and it feels suffocating.

Anyone else feel it too? 

The last time you got to say I love you.

The last time you were able to pick up your kid before they got too big.

The last time you’ll hear your parents voice on a voicemail.

We almost never know when it’s the last time.

If this summer was your last summer, what is one thing you’d want to do, create or be?

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In a world that is very loud and moves very fast, sometimes it’s so hard to know what you really want.

Because everywhere you look there is another person telling you what success is:

Look like this. 👁👄👁

Eat like this. 🥑🥦🥒

Create like this. 🎻🥇🎨

Family like this. 🏡👨‍👩‍👦🫶🏼

Bank account like this. 📈💰💎

Sex like this. 💦⚡️🔥

Coaches, authors, therapists, guides, gurus and trainers with absolute certainty and confidence visit you on every screen in your house, breaking it all down with clarity and focus.

“This is what you should want. This is what you’re missing. Here’s what will fix you…”

While many of these humans have good intentions, none of these humans are YOU.

So if you are open to it, here’s a 60-second experiment that might bring you closer to what you really want and who you really are.

(Remember that this exercise is private and personal. You don’t need to share this with anyone else.)

1. Put your phone away.

2. Find a comfortable seat.

3. Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths, each getting deeper and longer than the last.

4. Place one hand on your heart.

5. Ask your heart the following question: “Dear heart, is there something you want to share with me?”

6. Listen carefully and hear if your heart has a message for you.

7. BONUS: If you are open to it, see if there is a message you want to share back with your heart.

If it turns out that your heart is feeling shy today, that’s okay too.

Be patient and kind with your heart; there is a chance she’s been through a lot and could use some support.

I’m rooting for you and your heart.

Love,

D

My favourite thing about art is that it can give you intimacy, closeness, and connection to other people’s hearts. ❤️

But in order to gain access to someone else’s heart, you must first share access with your own heart.

That’s why art is such an intimate experience for me.

It takes great courage to go deep into your own heart and find what’s real and honest. To then bring that honesty through you and into the world requires even more bravery.

And my dear friend Ciarán did just that with this soulful art project he came up with.

If you are still waiting for someone to give you permission to make art or to call yourself an artist, here it is:

Your life is beautiful. Every day you create something just by being in this world.

Each of us is an artist in our own way.

So what will you create today?

And who will you co-create with?

Big love,

D

PS: Special shoutout to Jenn Mansell for her help both taking BTS photos and videos too.

PPS: If you want to watch the beautiful video Ciarán made for this project, check out my TikTok (or see below)

If you’re reading this there’s a good chance you have a big heart.

Maybe you don’t think of yourself as being someone with a BIG heart. And that’s okay.

But I have this feeling that many of you have really big hearts. The kind of heart that really cares for others. The kind that is constantly thinking about family and friends and is finding ways to make people feel comfortable, supported and loved.

Sometimes we can care so much that we forget to check in with our own hearts and make sure our needs and desires are also being addressed. I fall into this trap a lot.

The good news is that there is a quick and easy way to come back to your own heart.

This short video is a gentle invitation to slow down.

So take a deep breath, and check in with your glorious, generous heart.

Love,
D