Yesterday I sent my all-time favourite photographer, Marco Grob an email that started with: 

"Long story short, there is strength in vulnerability and we are all going to die."

I also somehow incorporated the highly sophisticated topic of shitting one's pants and managed to make-up a word that doesn't exist. The whole process was a bit terrifying, but was also probably the most important email I sent all month. That remains true, even if I never hear back from Marco. 

I have my friend Sahil Dhingra to thank. He introduced me to this TEDx video on why comfort will ruin your life and also included me in his 30-day social experiment called the "MONTH OF DISCOMFORT". We are currently on day 5.

Every step so far has felt super uncomfortable and was met with a ton of resistance by many parts of me.

That said, each step has also been filled with growth. Although it has only been 5 days, I can see myself growing in many aspects of my life, despite how awkward and uncomfortable I am constantly feeling. 

Thank you Sahil for being such an unrelenting shit disturbor. 

Not all days are equal. Gravity feels heavier on certain days. Pressing down on my chest from the moment I wake, making every aspect of my day more difficult. I've noticed this seems to happen a lot more in Nov + Dec. I don't think it's a coincidence. I also don't think I am alone in this. My gut tells me a lot of people experience this, but choose to keep it to themselves. 

The changing of the seasons can have a deep impact on all earth-beings. Some more than others. This year I noticed it almost immediately aligned with Nov 01. I think a lot of the work I've been doing to find my voice and stripe away my masks, have made me more sensitive to energy flow. Said differently, my measuring devices are a lot more precise these days. 

I have ignored this shift in energy for years. It has impacted me deeply, but I chose to go through it in silence and isolation. Chose to suffer alone. This was because I had believed this energy shift to stem from a deficiency in me, so it quickly got tangled into my ego and was heavily associated with feelings of guilt and shame. 

I have no answers or a clear path around this. I know these heavier days can be very challenging, but I also know The Universe has a plan. So I take comfort in Her infinite brilliance and benevolence. I take a deep breath and surrender to Her will. The one thing I do know is isolation won't make things better. Speaking up and speaking out allows the energy blockage to break up and dissipate. Maybe not immediately, but definitely much quicker than holding it all in and pretending everything is 'just fine'. That approach has failed for the past 5 years. Time for something different.

“Whose fucking permission are you waiting for?
You’re going to die.”

— Gary Vaynerchuk

Soulwork is tough. It requires you to shed your armour. You'll need to stripe it all away. Standing there alone, raw as fuck, you can feel energy everywhere. Every breeze sends chills up your naked body. 

Soulwork is tough. All the things that use to give you courage (booze, drugs, sex, netflix, etc) no longer work. The truth is, they never did and you always knew that. The only difference is Soulwork lowers your tolerance for bullshit, especially self-made.

Soulwork is tough. 

Soulwork (makes) you tough. 

Soulwork makes you tough. 

Soulwork, you. 

Soul, you. 

Soul. 

.

"The forest represents femininity in the EYES of a young man, an unexplored realm full of the unknown. It stands for the unconscious and its mysteries. The forest has great connection with the symbolism of the mother, it is a place where life thrives."

I remember how cloth hung
Flexing with the forest clung
Half waist and high raised arms
Kicking at the slightest form
I remember my first love
I remember my first love

Unrelied I was called
Missing teeth out of favour
Nickel beach it was all
Gathering by the sundial

I woke hard
I woke heavy
For the half way stop
Five whole hours in
When I woke hard
I woke…

- James Vincent McMorrow

“Let it all go before it’s too late.

We all have an ‘it’ and we all have a ‘too late’. ”

— A Voice Whispered From Above

“If I get too big I will be unlovable. ”

— That Voice Inside

One year ago (last night) this wonderful human agreed to be my guinea pig and from that moment on, my life would change FOREVER!

Words can't express how grateful I am to Majid "Mach" Hashemi (aka Portrait 001) and the many after him, who trusted me to take them on a journey and explore the depths of OUR souls together.

I seriously love each and every one of you beautiful souls. You have all helped me find my voice and to see the magic that flows through every moment.

Love, life and magic! ❤️❤️❤️

D (aka wolfee)

Some connections defy logic. Some bonds were fused many centuries ago with a fire that dwarfts the son.