What I really wanted to say is "you only have a few years of life left (if that), how do you want to spend them? What do you want your remaining days on earth to stand for?" but instead I say "how's business?"
We both know this path ends abruptly with many regrets and a deep sense of loneliness.
Beliefs harden and become much heavier as you get older. Decades of reinforcement can eventually make them immovable.
This both saddens and frustrates me. Especially when the narrative that has been running on repeat for all these years is "You can't trust anyone. In the end they all fuck you."
I struggle to find my role in this mess. Do I force help and pour all my energy into a bottomless pit. Do I stand and watch from the sidelines? Do I look away? Do I let the whole thing come crashing down?
I don't like any of these answers. They all make my heart hurt.
A voice inside gently whispers "find the lesson and the problem will fade away."
I love you papi. I really, really do.